i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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