it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
