why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
