He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He better not be in your backpack
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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