smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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