Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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