its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
