K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
