So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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