I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
