we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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