I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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