3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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