You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
