fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Help. Why am I so naked?
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