Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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