I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
