so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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