Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
