my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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