I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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