I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
