So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
