I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
