If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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