Yo dont text me then not text me
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Come on in and take your pants off
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
