is your mom at the bar?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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