So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
