What did we do last night that was yellow?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Randomize
