Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
