Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
