anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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