dude i'm inner monologue high
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
