i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
