some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
