She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
