O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
