If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
