I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
