im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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