I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I need a burrito and a hug.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
