Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
