Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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