Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You need a sexual gate keeper
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
