Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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