dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
