omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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