Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
