Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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