Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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