THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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