FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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