lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
