you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize