fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
