Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize