actually, I'm a sock model
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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