Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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