I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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