Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
