having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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