Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
