they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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