Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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