Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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