i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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