i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
