I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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