It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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