His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
