You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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