This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
