can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Still dying that you shit outside
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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