Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
