You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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