Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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