Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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