OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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