So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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