genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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