A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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