Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
