Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
