He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
did i just pee glitter
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